Dear Dr. Smith
I have an anger issue that I cant control, I’m always getting into arguments, I’m feisty and I have no control over bad words that I say. I always worry over the wrong things and love to curse, I pray all the time and ask God to help me get better, but I think I need someone to help pray for me too.
I admire your honesty and candidness, and I admire you for reaching out for help. Let’s look at concerns you have raised:
1. I have an anger issue that I cannot control: Wow! Stop there for a moment. Back up! Just listen to yourself; you have just weakened your resilience by saying “I cannot”. Of course you can control your anger, just like how you control other emotions or vices. So first be positive and tell yourself that you can control your anger and by God’s grace you will control your anger.
Here are some practical suggestions that you can implement to gain the victory over anger impulses.
a. Do some cognitive restructuring of your thoughts. Since thinking affects feeling and feeling affects behavior, change the negative messages that are affecting your thought process and replace them with positive realistic ones.
b. Identify pain and hurt of past or current life that fuels your anger and manage them without compromise.
c. Verbalize feelings of anger in a controlled, assertive way. The Bible says be “angry and sin not” (Eph 4:26)
d. Express an understanding of the need for a process of forgiveness of others and self to reduce anger feelings.
e. Pinpoint targets of or causes for anger and confront them with a controlled attitude.
f. Develop specific, socially acceptable ways to handle angry feelings. Practice your responses before certain situations arise.
g. Decrease verbal and physical manifestations of anger, aggression or violence. Pray and ask God for strength to do this.
2. I am feisty and I have no control over bad words that I say: If you keep telling your self that you have no control over what you say or do, then guess what? You will have no control. You have to stop the negative messages you are sending to your brain. Start thinking positively, start saying "O yes I can", because you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. (Phil 4:13)
3. I love to curse: This is part of the problem, you curse and feel good about it, you enjoy doing the wrong thing. You need to hate cursing, tell yourself that you hate to curse, say it out loudly, “I hate to curse, I hate to curse”. You see, if you keep thinking that you love to curse, it then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Commit yourself to the positive and let the mind of Christ be in you (Phil 2:5). Start reading the word of God, Ps 119:11 says, Thy word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against Thee. By feeding upon the word of God you will be inspired and motivated to stop cursing.
I am glad to hear that you are praying about this matter. keep praying, maybe you should fast and pray as well. I will keep praying for you and I know by the grace of God that you will overcome your struggles soon.